Bella blog

So I have decided to start writing a daily diary for my own personal and private use. Partly because I wont remember anything tomorrow and partly because this year has been the weirdest year of my life, well this life anyway.

Let me start with today, it amazes me how quickly ones life can turn around and I mean minutes, one minute you are feel lost and unloved and totally detached from everywhere and absolutely nowhere to run to . Next minute you heart is booming and you have a smile on your face that could light up the dark cave and cheer up the most miserable troll. Just goes to show you do not ever know what or who is round that corner.

So the year started out lousy turning 50 did not help and my birthday is January so great beginning not presents or cards off the family they al gave me money, easy no need to shop or think or make an effort and their conscience is clear. Then I have some personal issues with family on the other side and well to cut a story short it seems to have been the best thing that ever happened to me, I don’t think I remember ever feeling so straight as in no smoking, drugs, alcohol, or prescription and I have taken up running and yoga from home, and I am getting better at it stronger and firmer. Well it would seem I have turned some midlife crisis corner and have gone from a suicidal psychotic mid life crisis to a relatively happy and grounded human who is delighting in her new relationship with God and her Father between the two of them they have managed to save me from myself and a few other people and turned me around into this new what I think will end up being the real me.

I have never been happier then I am right now and I am without influence , I have learnt shed loads on so many different levels it would take three pages to touch the surface. But needles to say it may have started off horrific but it is getting better. It has been a horrid journey been under house arrest, not sleep, not friends, not phone or media or tv or music. But I have not missed he tv or my media or the phone that much to be honest . I have been studying and reading and talking to God and the days have flown by. The whole summer has. I must be the luckiest girl in the world to have the two most important men in my life since i was a child back in my life from the spirit world and with me every day helping make me better and giving me enough love to build my self worth back up and feel good about myself. Confidence is returning, my heart is open again, my attitude is getting bette and i am slowly finding out who I am and and how I function.

The world as we know it is about to come to an end and we are going to become like , the film, Outbreak and Mad Max. It would seem I have been called to help and serve humanity when it all kicks off. So I am a little bit concerned as to what this entails . But I am not afraid and I am proud to be asked and of service. So I am a christian again and proud. Life is good today and my Lord took me by the hand and showed me the word and how for me to be fully implanted with the word I need to fully commit to God trust him and have nor fear or doubt and to give up everything, So the truth , wisdom and knowledge are all part of the Word which is God. This is a private blog and only I have access so it feels great to be able to be honest and unlike my journal in steps which is no mine at all really, I just w

So onwards and upwards thank you God for your blessings and love and today and to bed now for early start tomorrow.

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